Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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