Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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