My liver just broke up with me...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
