I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He felt like a one man threesome
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
