U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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