we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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