Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
