i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
