I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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