plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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