It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
