I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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