I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
farters have to be the big spoon...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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