well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
