...so i touched it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize