I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
