Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
