Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
