This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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