I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
