she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
