Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
