Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
