Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
