i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
