It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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