He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
