I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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