My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
