one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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