I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
