he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
