Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
