Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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