what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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