Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
