literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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