Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
