and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
