Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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