i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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