"it" just moved
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
