did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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