I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my liver is dry heaving
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
