i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
