chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
