i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
