Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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