I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
