Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
