God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
