Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
