I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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