I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My pussy is not your playground.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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