I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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