tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
