Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
