if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
