i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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