I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
