I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
