I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize