My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
