I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
