He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
