WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize