East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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