Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
