I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Buhtt sex?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
