today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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