I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Barsexuality is the new black.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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