I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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