Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
