saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
