I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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