Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
