Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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