So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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