so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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