just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
